she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
