it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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