We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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