I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
