What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I want is dick and wine.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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