I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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