So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Randomize
