Redeem this text for a blowjob
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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