put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
