If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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