You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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