Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
