Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
