You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
