i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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