Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
