Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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