she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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