yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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