i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
