It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
This is the high leading the old right now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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