Can i not drive my cunt home
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
