i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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