In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
