No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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