I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
