Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
