You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
