I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
