If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
