What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
