We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
