you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
