We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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