Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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