I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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