You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
