I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
