she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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