Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
