Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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