it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
