guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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