Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
