They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
