i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
