The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
