I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
