but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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