i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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